Shutting the door
It's been a week or so since I've had my main camera, having sent it off in a package to New York City so that someone in a repair shop can cut and paste in new parts.
It's been a while longer since it has worked properly. Mostly I muscled through, appologizing to people for the random clicks that just didn't sound right as every other frame the shutter stuck open.
In the past when I've been without my main camera, I've felt anxious and edgy. Missing something important in my life.
But when I sent it off this time, with it's cracked gaskets and sticking mechanisms, I felt relief. I didn't want to haul the heavy body here and there; or drag it out at the mortification of my children. I didn't want to be the official photographer of our lives or someone elses.
I thought I might even break out the film cameras, or the toy ones that once intrigued me enough to make it a moniker. But I didn't.
I took a few snaps with the old camera, and actually said "NO" a few times to my kids, who asked for me to take a picture of something or other.
Today, as I trucked over to the FedEx office to retrieve the package containing my reconditioned camera, I realized I wasn't excited to have it back.
I didn't dig it out and affix a lens.
I didn't test it to see if it was in better working order.
I just trusted it would work when I needed it to.
Then I tucked it away in the back of the trunk and shut the door.